Letterbomb
by Addsername
Summary: A Q&A session with the Idiots. Collab between myself and iNvIsIbLeGiRl12. Also thanks to everyone who submitted questions! Rated M because Jimmy likes obscenities. Disclaimer: WE NO OWNEY. If you recognize content, it's probably not ours.


Johnny: *wakes up* What the hell? Why are we all in this room?  
Whatsername: Some person came in and kidnapped us into this room.  
Johnny: This isn't cool.  
Jimmy: Ugh…is it those fans again? Why can't they leave us alone for once?  
Tunny: Guys, they took my leg.  
EG: They left this note. "Dear Idiots"  
Will: Rude.  
Heather: Truth.  
EG: "Sorry for using force, but a lot of us have some questions we want to ask. Answer them and we'll let you go."  
Will: OH GOD! WE'RE STUCK HERE. GET US OUT! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!  
Theo: CALM THE FUCK DOWN. *slaps him*  
Jimmy: Why is he here…  
EG: "PS Theo's here too."  
Jimmy: Goddammit…let's just get this started…..

**To the Jimmy inside Johnny's head, are you a virgin? –Victor**  
Jimmy: Wait, what?  
Johnny: Let me take this one for you. See, the Jimmy inside my head was technically born two years ago. SO being two years old, yes he is a virgin.  
Jimmy: What the hell?  
Johnny: Trust me on this one.  
Jimmy: Can this one not ask any more questions? They're kinda freaking me out…  
Johnny: I like their taste. We both have fantasies about tying you up and piercing your nipples.  
Jimmy: Wait, WHAT?  
Johnny: DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD? I MEANT…..UH…..UM….LOOK A PONY!  
Theo: TWILIGHT SPARKLE! *looks around*  
Jimmy:….

Theo: There are no ponies…that lying bastard.  
Jimmy: ….  
Whatsername: Um….next question please.

**THEO. ARE YOU AND JOHNNY CAKES IN LOVE? -Tori**  
Theo: Uh...  
Johnny: I'  
Theo: *nodding* Johnny... are you feeling my thigh under the table?  
Johnny: *blushes* NO...  
Theo: Don't shit me, Johnny Ca-  
Whatsername: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HIM?  
Johnny: *claps hand over Theo's mouth*  
Theo: *licks Johnny's hand*  
Johnny: THEO EWWWW WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK  
Whatsername: You're such boys. I'm outta here. *leaves*  
Johnny: *raises eyebrows*  
Theo: *looks at Johnny flirtatiously*

*5 minutes later...*

Whatsername: *re-enters*  
Johnny: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE  
Theo: No, actually, it's exactly what it looks like.  
Johnny: *hides behind Theo*  
Whatsername: ...  
Theo: Mhmmmm Johnny Cakes I love you so much... *runs hand through Johnny's hair and kisses Johnny passionately*  
Johnny: *comes up for air and looks at Whatsername over Theo's shoulder* I'm fucked. No more moves. Oh yeah, the dead-end zone. Totally fucked.  
Whatsername: I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU, THEO!

**Will or Heather, What's the name of your baby that you stuff in a bag in the end? -Emily**  
Heather: Wait…who stuffed my child into a bag?  
Will: *looks around* Um…  
Heather: YOU ALMOST KILLED OUR CHILD?  
Will: I'M SORRY! I THOUGHT IT WAS A FOOTBALL!  
Tunny: Wow.  
Will: I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS CHARLOTTE!  
Jimmy: What an awful name for a child.  
EG: *hits him* Don't be rude.  
Jimmy: *hand flies to his cheek* Ow. Ow! That actually hurt! You're a bitch!  
EG: You deserved it.  
Jimmy: I don't like her… *sits by Johnny*  
Johnny: *making googley eyes at Theo*  
Jimmy: Um.  
Johnny: WHAT I WASN'T STARING. NOPE.  
Jimmy: Loser…

**How does it feel to work with Green Day? Were you a fan growing up?-Derris**  
Whatsername: I personally thought working with them was a really great opportunity. I mean, they're fucking celebrities! It was neat.  
Johnny: It made me confused because Billie said he was Jimmy but I knew he wasn't and it was really awkward when he would sing love ballads to me while watching me and Whatsername have sex….  
Whatsername: ….he what.  
Jimmy: I think the guy's a dick. I mean you just show up tell me to leave for two weeks and then he touches Johnny. Like, that's not ok. Only I can do that.  
Theo: Or me  
All: *look at Theo*  
Theo: Um…uh….bye. *hides in the floorboards*  
Heather: God you people are so weird….

**EG and Whatsername, What the HELL are your real names? –Sinead**  
EG: What kind of question is this?  
Whatsername: At least we get a break from their stupidity.  
Will : WATCH IT.  
EG: Well, my name is Christina.  
Whatsername: And I'm Rebecca.  
Johnny: Rodica.  
Whatsername: Rebecca.  
Johnny: Rhonda.  
Whatsername: REBECCA!  
Johnny: PHILLIP!  
Whatsername: Fuck you…  
EG: People say our names aren't very original. But we can't exactly control what our parents decided to name us, now can we?  
Johnny: I'm sorry, Rachel…  
Whatsername: IT'S REBECCA GODDAMMIT.  
Johnny: Jeez, calm down, Roxanne.  
Whatsername: THAT'S IT. I'M DONE. *leaves the room*  
Jimmy: Smooth.

Johnny: Oh shut up, Jared.  
Jimmy: It's Jimmy….  
Johnny: I'M NOT GOOD WITH NAMES, OK?

**If you had to describe the musical to a non-green day fan, what would you say?-Derris**  
Johnny: This is the story of my life. All these guys are just the homosexual supporting cast.  
Tunny: *punches Johnny*  
EG: I think it's a good story of how not to behave. I mean look at them. I think my point is proven.  
Whatsername: It's a story of how stupid men are and how you should never trust a guy who mutters another guy's name in his sleep right after he had sex with you.  
Johnny: *blushes* Um…  
Tunny: DON'T JOIN THE ARMY. THEY DON'T HAVE COOKIES.  
Will: It's the story of an evil couch that fell in love with my ass and glued it there for 90 minutes.  
All:…  
Will: Well, at least there was glue involved.  
Jimmy: I personally think it's a stupid sappy story with not enough me in it.  
Whatsername: Selfish bastard…  
Jimmy: It's true. I say one line. ONE. I mean, come on. I leave them begging for more.  
Whatsername: *facepalm*

**What was you reaction when you found out AI the musical will be turned into a movie? -Derris**  
Extraordinary Girl: I sang a song about happy unicorns that poop rainbows and snort flowers, because I'm going to be in a movie and that'll make me even more extraordinary!  
Will: I hope they release the movie to T.V. soon so I can watch it from this here couch.  
Heather: I was too busy taking care of my newborn child *glares at Will* to think about it.  
Jimmy: Well someone jumped the gun and-  
Tunny: Please don't say "gun".  
Jimmy: Someone made an assumption and said that I would be portrayed by Billie Joe Armstrong, which isn't necessarily true.  
Whatsername: When I found out I was so excited that I decided I would ask Johnny to marry me. I was just that euphoric about the whole thing. I know that the girl asking the guy is unconventional, but hey, that's what we're all about. I'm a little nervous to ask him, though.  
Theo: C'mon, Whatsie. Just bite the bullet and ask him.  
Tunny: Please don't say "bullet".  
Whatsername: A'ight, I'm gonna do it. Johnny, will you-  
Johnny: Yes, Whatsie. I'm right here. I just overheard that entire conversation. I'm in a state of movie-induced euphoria, so of course I'll say yes though I'll probably regret it later.  
Alysha: WHEEE! I'm a sucker for a good romance.  
Libby: EEEEEEEK! Can I be, like, your maid of honor?  
Leslie: SQUEEE! Can I help you pick out your dress?  
Whatsername: Please stop squealing before I have you all committed and lobotomized.  
Tunny: Please don't say "lobotomy".  
Whatsername: I didn't, I said "lobotomized". There's a difference, grammar nazi.

Johnny: Life before the AI Movie. The girls jumped and yelled "Squee". Whatsie's lesson's what she's been sold, which may or may not include an incredibly overpriced wedding dress.  
Heather: Please stop singing and squealing and shit. My head hurts. Will, can you get me an aspirin?  
Will: No.  
Heather: Why not?  
Will: Because I'm on the couch.

**To all the Male Characters: how did you all manage to become that obsessed with guyliner? -Clara**  
Jimmy: I don't wear it because I think it's fucking pretty.  
Kelvin: I THINK IT'S PRETTY! I THINK GUYLINER IS FABULOUS.  
Jimmy: Kelvin, shut the hell up. I wear guyliner to make a statement. To say "Hey bitch, I'm not messing around".  
Johnny: I wear guyliner as a symbol of my horny teen angst.  
Brian Charles Johnson: Wrong musical, Moritz.  
Johnny: Whoops, sorry Otto.  
Kelvin: *madly applying very glittery eyeliner* AM I FABULOUS YET, BEYOTCHES?  
Jimmy: *facepalm*  
Will: I wear guyliner because Heather hates men who wear makeup and I like to piss Heather off. Also because I'M MICHAEL ESPER AND I DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.  
Theo: I wear guyliner to mourn the destruction of the poor fourth wall thanks to Will's little spiel there.  
Tunny: I...uh... don't wear guyliner. I'm in the army. Don't ask, don't tell, and sure as hell don't wear makeup. You're all women. Wait, what was that, Extraordinary Girl? YES, I'll come help you decide what shoes to wear...  
Kelvin: *wearing down eyeliner pencil* TELL ME. AM I FUCKING FABULOUS YET.  
Theo: Yes, Kelvin, darling, you are fabulous.

Johnny: HORNY TEEN ANGST  
Brian: Cool it, Moritz.  
Theo: SOMEONE'S GONNA GET FUCKED IN HERE  
Johnny: I have an apple fritter.  
Theo: SLOPPY DONUT DICKS  
Jimmy: This is turning into mindfuck. Addie, I think it's about time you wrap this up.  
Theo: I WEEP FOR THE FOURTH WALL  
Kelvin: I WEEP IN SYMPATHY WITH THEO. Dammit, I'm such a sympathetic crier. MY FUCKING EYELINER IS RUNNING!  
*blackout*

**Was it different to act and sing in a punk opera than in a regular musical? -Derris**

Billie-As-Saint-Jimmy: Ahem. _Critically Important Rock Opera_, y'know?

Johnny: WHAT'S MEAN JIMMY DOING HERE?

Jimmy: I...don't... Go away you creeper.

Whatsername: Well, I've never actually been in any other musicals before...

Billie: Excuse you, y'know. Rock operas.

Johnny: Is that so, Raleigh?

Whatsername: It's Rebecca, and we've fucking been over this.

Theo: What about fucking?

Johnny: Apple fritters.

Kelvin: WHAT THE ACTUAL GLITTERY FUCK IS THAT EVEN FROM?

Theo: It's an OBC thing. You wouldn't understand.

Gerard: *nodding*

Miguel: Yeah! You wouldn't understand, you sparkly Asian who bears an odd semblance to Eeyore.

Whatsername: ...who the fuck are you?

Miguel: I'm Miguel, a member of the underbelly who is extremely underused in fics and nearly impossible to research because my name is almost the same as the guy who wrote Don Quixote.

Johnny: Back to the topic at hand, this is basically just a glorified sparkly little Spring Awakening reunion. We have Moritz, we have Otto, we have Tiny Moritz...

Gerard: Hey!

Johnny: It's true...

Gerard: Bitch, watch it before I go all Alice Ripley on your ass.

*blackout*

Theo: JIMMY YOU MOTHERFUCKER, TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON.

Jimmy: IT WASN'T ME, BITCH.

Lighting Designer Kevin Adams: That wasn't Jimmy. The excessive amounts of strobe lights used in the production have run up such a large bill that our power has been cut. Also SPRING AWAKENING REUNION!

Director Michael Mayer: Sorry guys, but you'll have to perform the rest of this fic in the dark. Also SPRING AWAKENING REUNION!

**Steve, why are you such an adulterous turtle whore? -Addie**

Gerard: As Steve is a turtle and therefore can't talk, I'll be speaking on his behalf.

Theo: FUCK IT JOHNNY, THAT WAS MY EYEEEE

Johnny: Sorry. It's dark in here.

Jimmy: I've noticed.

Gerard: So anyway, back to the question at hand. Steve is an adulterous turtle whore because he's the most interesting, sexiest, most amazeballs turtle on earth. No wonder the ladies can't stay away.

Brian Charles Johnson: *stage-whispering* PSSST. MORITZ. I THINK TINY MORTIZ HAS A TURTLE FETISH.

Gerard: I heard that, and my name is Gerard in this show. And who doesn't have a leeeetle bit of a turtle fetish deep down inside? TURTLES ARE BEAUTIFUL CREATURES. EMBRACE THE WONDER OF THE TURTLE. AND ALL SHALL KNOW THE WONDER. AND I SHALL SING THE SONG OF PURPLE TURTLES.

Miguel: DAMMIT, THEO, THAT WAS MY FACE.

Theo: Oh. Sorry. I was aiming for Johnny.

Whatsername: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. I CAN'T FUCKING SEE.

Jimmy: hehehehehehe

Whatsername: JIMMY! Are you caressing my boobs?

Jimmy: TITTY FEST

Johnny: APPLE FRITTERS

Theo: SLOPPY DONUT DICKS!

Josh Kobak: What the fuck?  
Kelvin: Don't ask. Apparantely "it's an OBC thing".

Heather: This is getting kind of explicit. I say we just end the fic now to preserve what's left of our Idiot dignity. Let's all just go to sleep. G'night, guys.

Alysha: G'night, Heather.

Will: G'night, Christina.

Tunny: G'night, leg.

Theo: G'night, John Boy.

Johnny: G'night, Mary Ellen.

Kelvin: What the hell did you just call me?

Cast: GOODNIGHT, KELVIN.


End file.
